i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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