Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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