Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
