just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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