I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
