why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
