Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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