So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
being pregnant is like rehab
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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