Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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