Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
