i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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