my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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