I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
