Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
