we have pet lesbian snakes
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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