and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
