I'm pants shitting drunk right now
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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