OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
