When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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