Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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