just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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