Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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