first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We don't watch enough power rangers
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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