Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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