oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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