Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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