I'm eating all of the evidence.
ugly people sure do ruin things
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
