We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
