he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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