If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
