i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
