so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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