If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
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