Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
