yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Actions speak louder than pants.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
