i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
