My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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