she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
