i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
