There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
