What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
