How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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