talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
