Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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