But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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