I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
