I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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