well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
