I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
