is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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