It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
